SoundBytes, Volume 1

These carefully crafted audio sequences are brought to you by the Internet Multicasting Service.

  • Adapt or Die. Versatile actor Arryl P. Masters in a featured clip from from his audition as narrator for one of those wildlife shows. 2.2 Seconds.
  • Danger! Danger! Logana's Logana's warning (with hats off to "Lost in Space"). 7.3 Seconds.
  • Genius! We're sure that our proud listeners will know what to do with data that reflects the the pride of accomplishment, Vegas style. 11.4 Seconds.
  • 2.2 Seconds.Connection Failed. 2.2 Seconds.
  • Access Denied. Things are normal. 4.9 Seconds.
  • The Cappuccino Girl. Heather, a sophisticated city girl, travels across America looking for sophistication. 10.3 Seconds.
  • Go Away. You've triggered Logana's home security system, and she doesn't like it. Put this one in your screen blanker. 15.8 Seconds.
  • Coffee Break. JavaMan grinds it fresh. 12.5 Seconds.
  • Hurry/Wait. Do it as fast as you can, and then hang around to see what happens. Our hats off to Washington, D.C. 11.0 Seconds.
  • Road Kill in Motion. Noted metal-animal band Tungsten Macaque goes country, with hats off to Dr. Marshall T. Rose. 44.4 Seconds.
  • Is it Wrong? Veteran actor Arryl P. Masters ponders the ethics of data storage access. 4.2 Seconds.
  • It Should Work? Logana is optimistic. 1.1 Seconds.
  • All Circuits Busy. To the best of our knowledge, this message is not in use by any telephone company. 13.2 Seconds.
  • I'm Melting. A rare, unauthorized, recording of Logana's unsuccessful audition for local summer stock. 7.3 Seconds.
  • Lament for Lost Data. When it's gone, it's gone for good. 25.8 Seconds.
  • Invalid Command. Rick's generic error message. Not recommended for the computationally disabled. 6.6 Seconds.
  • One Moment, Please... While you're on hold. 27.2 Seconds.
  • Secure Area. Logana's warning---authorization is required. Do you have it? 7.4 Seconds.
  • To Terminate Your Connection. 4.9 Seconds.
  • What are You Doing, Dave? 2.8 Seconds.
  • Why? Your computer needs some answers, and maybe some counseling. 41.4 Seconds.
  • Ouch! That Hurts! Logana sees stars. 4.4 Seconds.
  • Don't You Just Hate That? Logana sympathizes with your plight. 11.7 Seconds.
  • Give Me Your Instructions. Your computer is feeling ambitious today. 12.9 Seconds.
  • Good Luck. Logana's send-off. 4.0 Seconds.
  • Twenty-second Row. A mini-anthem featuring Logana sitting in with neo-trash arc-welding band Tungsten Macaque. 2:17.9 minutes.
  • It's Beautiful. Logana appreciates the finer things in life. Put this in your makefile for those rare times when you make it through to the clean cycle. 8.2 Seconds.
  • This Sucks. Some adolescent has been putting bad code on your computer! Hope this one doesn't become the default condition for your digital life. 1.6 Seconds.
  • Stop It, You're Hurting! When she's away from the office, sometimes Logana plays rough. 1.8 Seconds.
  • Hal's Refusal. If you hear this one, you'd better put on your space suit in a hurry. 5.6 Seconds.
  • Welcome. Logana's greeting. 4.0 Seconds.
  • Greetings, Carbon-Based Life Form. Your computer, feigning difficulty with animal speech, addresses you as the truly inferior biological unit that you are. 3.8 Seconds.
  • Good Morning. 7.0 Seconds.
  • Its Alive! A melodramatic start for your application. 16.8 Seconds.
  • Oh no! Not again! For when that problem just keeps on repeating itself, and repeating itself, and repeating itself, and .... 6.7 Seconds.
  • Data 007. Fact: Many former cold-war spies now engage in industrial espionage. 51.9 Seconds.